Each year, The Illustrious Onion Skin Players puts on one show. We write, create, choreograph, and design the show ourselves. Every show is written in the classic melodrama style. Our shows have delighted audiences for over 30 years. We hope you join us and become a part of the Onion Skins family.
D.K. Molar, the Devious Dentist
or There’s Gold in Them Thar Teeth!
Feeling a bit down in the mouth lately? Then this melodrama will surely put a smile on your face! The depraved dentist, D.K. Molar, and his noxious nurse, Nova Caine, have crafted a dastardly scam: after putting their patients to sleep with nitrous oxide, they remove the gold crowns and replace them with fakes made of fool’s gold. The unsuspecting patients are none the wiser. That is until Dr. Molar’s new receptionist, the lovely Flossy Dailey, starts chewing over some of the strange happenings in the office. With Phil de Tooth, an upstanding young dentist, she discovers Molar is prospecting for more than overbites. Molar, true to his calling, pulls a gun on them and threatens to drill anyone who tries to stop him. Brace yourself for the hilarious climax (which involves escaped laughing gas!) of this simple-to-stage production. It’s guaranteed to be the most enjoyable visit to the dentist you or your audience has ever had!
Written by Billy St. John. Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado
The Saga of Buzzard Perch
or Not My Brother’s Keeper
In the lobby of the Buzzard Palace Hotel where the hero, Bart Masters, is found in hot pursuit of the villain, Snipe Vermin. Here the story takes an unusual turn because the villain and hero are twin brothers. It is inevitable that the two should meet in a face-to-face gunfight that takes place in a most interesting manner.
The play includes many other interesting character including Lillian Love, the lady sheriff of Skeleton Gulch; the Widow Black, evil proprietress of the Skeleton Gulch Hotel; Martha Muldoon, a stranded actress; and Roy Autry, the nutty sidekick of Snipe Vermin.
The Shame of Weiser City or
Dirty Work in the Lucky Cuss
In this delightful melodrama, Socialite widow Amanda Goodsort has journeyed to Idaho to find employment but must perform in disguise on the stage of Weiser City’s notorious Birdcage Theatre as the Masked Canary to support her daughter. To civic leaders she is... "the shame of Weiser City!" Alas, the wily villain, Judge Mortimer Harshly, and a pretty cohort, Peachy Jamm, discover Amanda’s secret and decide to blackmail her. A tale full of classic western characters, wacky musical interludes, sing alongs and melodrama ensues!
The Clock Runs Out for Sarabelle Tyme
or Ask Not for Whom the Belle Strolls?
In this delightfully punny melodrama, the heroine is tied to the bell tower and the clock is ticking... literally. Unknown to its proprietor, clock smith Justin Tyme, the old clock shop holds a secret vault loaded with gems and jewels. But, of course, the scoundrel Fohwell Spoyler knows the truth of what’s hidden on the property.
Plotting ways to get his hands on those riches occupies his every thought, but that’s not all he has his eyes set on. He’s also after the clockmaker’s sister, the lovely Isabelle Tyme. Alas, she only has eyes for the upstanding Sheriff Goodlah and refuses Fohwell’s advances.
So what’s a villain to do? He kidnaps her and ties her to the bell tower which will soon strike the hour... and the end of Isabelle Tyme. Meanwhile, Fohwell plans to rob the clock shop while the entire town searches for the fair Isabelle. Will Isabelle be saved before it’s too late? Only time will tell!
The Story, Past & Present
or What Would Zorro Do?
The Story begins with the end of the Legendary Era of Zorro. Zorro was a formidable character who protected the innocent from evil doings. His position in life was handed down through the generations. Great, Great, Great Grandfather Zorro, to Great, Great Grandfather Zorro to Great Grandfather Zorro to Zorro Juniors Father Zorro. Zorro Junior's wife and son were murdered by the notorious, vile, nasty and most evil, I.W. Swindle. With no one to hand down the life lessons to, Zorro writes a book in hopes that someday, somewhere, someone will pick up where Zorro's sword of justice leaves off. And so The Legend of Zorro continues fifty years later.
Glitter Gulch, once a roaring gold mining center, has fallen on hard times. The villainous banker, I. W. Swindle, is forcing the few families left to pay up or get out. During a fierce blizzard, the town’s populace crowds into the eerie and deserted Nugget, a former gambling palace reputedly haunted by the spirits of long-departed miners. Actually, the true scoundrel is revealed as none other than young Rock Quarry, the handsome cowboy who suspects the presence of an undiscovered gold vein and wants to rid the town of everyone before they discover the truth.
Treasure of Shiver River
or Is Vestless Best
This is the freshest old-fashioned mellerdramer we’ve seen, and it’s laugh out loud funny, to boot! All the traditional plot elements are here. From the nasty scoundrel Rod Enreel, who will soon take over the Shiver River Ranch and find the hidden treasure if Colonel Sanders can’t sell his cattle to come up with the mortgage money, to heroic Marshal Marshall Law, who would love to propose to Heidi Claire, the colonel’s daughter, yet he can’t. And yes, there’s always the vile option for Heidi to marry the black-hearted villain, though he only plans to do her in and abscond with the treasure and his romance novel-loving partner-in-crime, Paige Turner. Ah, but did we mention that our villain doesn’t have a good evil laugh and has to appoint an Evil Laugher from the audience? Or that Marshal and Heidi wonder curiously why they hear romantic music every time they’re in a scene together?
Bridal My Horse and Bridal My Foot
or Hot Springs Eternal
It was a good year for Weiser City, ranchers and farmers were prospering. Local stores, especially the Bridle and Bridal were busy as a beaver. Buck and Pearly Teeth had even bought a wooden Indian for the front of the store. Life was good and had been for a few years.Then chaos broke loose! Rooftops of chicken coops were stolen, cattle missing! The Bridle and Bridal is also being picked clean, but how and when for it is under the watchful eye of the night and day watchman, Claude Hopper! But all he remembers is... nothing! The "We Got You Covered" Posse from Cairo Junction is called in too help. Will the Sheriff Harry Arms, EZ Going and the Posse find the culprits? The town is falling apart and the people are afraid to sleep at night. What about our poor little orphan Della-Kate? What will her future be like? Where is her Uncle? Just who is that man with a top hat and cape singing. Stranger yet, who is that woman wearing a veil? They look somewhat familiar!
The Pony Expresso
or The Villain Came to a Grinding Halt
Perk up! This hot melodrama is boiling over with puns and jokes galore! The Pony Expresso, a friendly establishment run by Star Bright and Aunt Dee Caff, is struggling. Their customers are buying their coffee at a lower price from the scheming Mo Cabana and Fifi Latte. But the citizens are falling ill to an unexplained fainting disease. (It’s strange... they feel good ’til the last drop.) Luckily, Buck Brawn, our handsome hero, bravely investigates the mysterious health dilemma. Things come to a boil when Mo and Fifi hear that Star and Dee are destined to become rich — the railroad plans to make the Pony Expresso the new train station! When Mo and Fifi devise a plan that almost destroys them, the beans are spilled. Justice prevails as love brews between Star and Buck, who decide to marry and rename the Pony Expresso to honor their relationship: Buckstar Coffee! (Or something like that!)
Wheeler Up the River Oar...Boo , Hiss
Join us on the Little Millie and see....will Paddy Wheeler discover her true love? Will her Mr. Right be Darnear Right, Allright or Mr. Wong? Will Anna Conda and Boo Hiss find the key, the Gold, the Secret to Life, before Winston Thurgood and Anderson Allright connect to solve the mystery? Is it merely coincidence that Diedra Darling was in South Africa during the diamond heist and is now aboard the Little Millie. Will Sven and Helga make it back to shore before the life raft sinks? Find the answer to these and other questions when you take a ride up the Snake River with the crew and the passengers aboard. This journey is fraught with danger and adventure.
Dogsbreath's Dastardly Deeds
or That$ Lotta Ca$h
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